Advice for Men

I call on men everywhere to stop rewarding bad female behavior. You know what I mean–immature, mentally ill and downright evil. Do everyone a favor and boycott women who habitually display these traits, no matter how hot they are.

Dangling Carrot

Most of us get sucked into these hurricanes for the same reason. They dangle that carrot. Sometimes they give us a nibble. Sometimes they give us the whole thing. Smart guys take the carrot and run. Really smart guys ignore the carrot, altogether.

Those of us with less than a modicum of sexual intelligence stick around for a meal. We wait for them to grow up:

  • to consider other people’s feelings before indulging their own
  • to learn how to give and receive equal portions of love
  • to develop that old fashioned trait known as character

Meanwhile, our assets are plundered. We’re under the delusion that it’s an investment. But it’s not. It’s casting our pearl necklaces onto the throats of swine.

“Oink!”

I divide these pigs into three categories:

  • Immature
  • Mentally Ill
  • Evil

There is often overlap between these categories.

My use of the word “pig” may seem harsh. But these women are truly glutinous with our resources. Besides, men are often called pigs; and I see no good reason to spare women that moniker when they work so hard to deserve it.

By “resources”, I don’t mean money, only. I mean, also, time, energy and, yes, sperm! Every now and then, one of the last slips by the goalie and, voila, we’ve fathered a child with the girl of our nightmares.

More often than not, these women are not equipped to be good mothers. Thus, we have to work twice as hard to make sure our spawn doesn’t grow up to worship Satan; or worse, join the Tea Party.

We all know these types. They are celebrated, even admired, in pulp fiction and its cousin, reality TV.

Immature

The immature will charm the pants off of us with their little girl personae. We remind them of their fathers, in good ways and in bad. Instead of requiring us to treat them as equals, as mature women might, they encourage us to take control of their lives.

By the way, I’m not talking here about young women. There’s nothing wrong with being young and immature.

I’m talking about adolescent women over 30; lost little girls who haven’t a clue unless a man gives them one. We’re always there for them in a crisis. And they have a lot of them. When we are in crisis mode, however, they are often too busy to be bothered. They come to us for advice, which we love giving. Finally, we think, a woman who values our wisdom! They pick our brains, endlessly, for help with their tumultuous friendships, families and careers until we have no more time and energy to put out our own fires. Our lives become about theirs.

Mentally Ill

The same thing happens with the mentally ill. I’m talking here about addicts and depressives who refuse to get help. They can suck up our means faster than they can suck down a cosmo and a line. And that’s pretty fast!

They become a drug for us, as well. When they’re up, they want to party all the time. And that means hot, kinky sex; sometimes, even, threesomes and foursomes with their drunken friends. We become intoxicated by their free spirit; until we realize that it’s not free, at all. Their compulsions have them by the throat. By participating in their madness, we inadvertently tighten the grip.

Invariably, there are parties to which we are not invited. Our party girls may come to us, then, with tearful confessions. And we may forgive them. But, from then on, every time they don’t answer the phone, we envision them with their legs over another guy’s shoulders. Sex is a sedative for these types. When they apologize for their promiscuity by saying, “It didn’t mean anything to me,” they’re telling the truth.

The last three paragraphs describe mentally ill hotties at their best. When they crash and burn, as all addicts and depressives do, we may be summoned for suicide watch. They call us in the middle of the night because they can’t get to sleep and they don’t want to go on living. When we arrive at their stinky abodes at ungodly hours, they may intone the addict’s solemn oath: “I will never again do [drug of choice], as long as I live, so help me God!” When we suggest that they get help, they insist that they can do it on their own. They may, in fact, muscle through these dark periods, replacing their drugs of choice with substitutes, like food, TV or us.

Recovering addicts will tell you that their insanity didn’t cease because they stopped getting high. Sobriety came as a result of a spiritual awakening, which came as a byproduct of working with other recovering addicts. Most will tell you that they could not do it on their own.

As for the clinically depressed, they, too, are often averse to asking for help. They are as stubborn as dogs and cats are about not wanting to swallow their medicine. “I don’t need a shrink,” they may say. “I just need [a better job; a better boyfriend; a vacation; or anything else that’s just over the rainbow]!”

Fellas, it’s not worth it! No matter how fun-loving these types are when they’re up, or how vulnerable they are when they’re down, the end result for us will always be heartbreak. Not to mention the strain on our livelihoods, including our own self-esteem and well-being.

Evil

The most insidious of these loser chicks are the evil ones. By evil, I mean sociopaths, with a sense of entitlement like the Grand Canyon and a conscience like a scorpion at the basin. They have no problem with lying, cheating, stealing and, sometimes, killing to claim our booty.

You may think I’m exaggerating about killing. I once went on a date with a woman who let me know that, whenever her boyfriends got out of line, she got her mobster uncle to “take care” of them. I laughed; she didn’t. She was deadly serious.

Fake Rabbit

Why do these women succeed in siphoning our nut? Because we let them. A beautiful woman hints that we might have a chance at having sex with her, and we’re off!–like greyhounds chasing a fake rabbit.

There is a simple test to determine whether or not the rabbit is real. However, it requires diligence on our part in valuing behavior over appearance.

What’s the first rule of gambling? Never bet more than you can afford to lose. Right? Okay… bad girls, like race tracks, rely on men not living by that rule. Before offering any woman more than a trifle of your time, energy, money or semen, ask yourself this question: What has she done to support my mission?

Mission Control

What is your mission? Simply put, it’s the activity or cause about which you are most passionate. It may be, but probably isn’t, your job. More likely, it’s what fuels your ability to endure a soul-deadening job.

Music, science, philosophy, politics, sports, travel–you name it. Hours pass unnoticed when we’re engaged in our mission. According to the great relationship teacher, Dr. Paul, it’s half of what makes us men.

The other half, of course, is our desire for women. But I would argue that our mission must take priority over our search for women; because a man without a mission is a diamond ring without a diamond. He may be able to attract women with the promise of a diamond. But he won’t be able to keep them interested for very long.

Bad girls, believe it or not, are not interested in these types of diamonds. They are too self-absorbed to recognize, let alone appreciate, any man’s defining qualities. Good women will not only recognize our diamond’s worth, they will also increase its value.

Test

We must keep our wits about us, when interacting with hot women. They are used to having their way with us. And so we must put them to the test, to differentiate the good from the bad. And we do that by remaining mindful of their intentions as we interact with them.

Remember, the question you should always have in the back of your mind is: What is she doing (or, has she done) to support my mission? At the start of a relationship, this usually takes the form of questions about the driving forces in your life.

If she’s a good woman (meaning, good for you) and she’s into you, then she will try to find out more about you than your source of income. She may inquire about your job, and she may very well not have gold digging motives in mind. But she will also ask about your hobbies, or recent vacations, or about what you wanted to be when you were a kid, or about your opinion on a current event. In short, she will show interest in (and approval for) you as a person.

On the contrary, if she demands that you buy her a drink, and then answers your questions while looking around the room, but doesn’t ask you a darn thing, then, no matter how hot or famous she is, she’s a bad girl (at least as far as you’re concerned). That’s not to say that good women won’t turn around, after showing that they believe in you, and play hard-to-get. But under no circumstances should you ever put up with, or continue to pursue, a woman who acts like a shrew without first cheering your mission!

Call To Action

And that brings me back to the boycott. You’re not doing anyone any favors by giving these delinquents access to your valuables; at least, not in the long run. They may be better off in the short run; the way that sweaty addicts are better off when you give them a fix. But how much better off are they, and society as a whole, when addicts are forced to mend their ways?

There are a few men out there for whom this isn’t even an issue. They see through wily females, as any adult might see through a child’s lies. But most of us acquire this kind of X-ray vision only after many misadventures.

I still, sometimes, get swept away by a woman’s physical beauty. When this happens, I use a simple affirmation, something that Forrest Gump might have said, to keep my head above water: Pretty is, as pretty does!